One Is the Loneliest Number

Eva —  June 25, 2013 — 2 Comments

mountaintop

It’s lonely at the top. Scoff if you wish, dear readers, but there is a singular loneliness to being a leader. I learned fast enough that the brainstorming, spitballing, and venting with coworkers that I was used to as a frontline librarian, and to a lesser extent as a middle manager, almost completely evaporated when I became The Library Director. Suddenly, my every off-the-cuff comment in the staff lounge was interpreted as policy, every casual conversation by the staff mailboxes as doctrine. Add to that the many pitfalls of being social with subordinates—I can’t invite someone I like to lunch without an undercurrent of “Why did the director ask me to lunch?!? Will everyone think she’s playing favorites with me? Am I allowed to say No?”—and it is no wonder that leaders are lonely.

But, we are leaders; we cope. We mourn the loss and then we pick up and carry on. For me, that meant curtailing some of my more personal conversations with staff, learning to qualify my statements so that it’s clear when I’m thinking out loud (this is not always successful—people hear what they want to hear), and doing a better job of referring employee questions to the appropriate manager to avoid having it look like I’m taking over other people’s jobs. I sought out other library directors, particularly those who were recently hired and could commiserate with me. I reached out to leaders in my community who may not have any idea what goes on at the library, but do face similar leadership challenges. I have occasional meetings, lunches, and coffees with nonprofit community leaders, directors of the other Township departments, and directors of other area public libraries. I am lucky, too, to have a solid network of friends outside of my library whom I can call on for perspective, venting, support, and drinks. The key to all of these relationships is discretion and confidentiality.

When I’m out networking and encounter a new leader, I ask, “How are you coping with the singular loneliness of having your job?” It’s a good icebreaker that gets us past the small talk. It almost always brings a look of relief that someone else knows what it’s like, and that one doesn’t have to be the loneliest number.

Image: Flickr Creative Commons

Eva

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Eva Davis is the Director of the Canton Public Library in Canton, Michigan--not Canton, Ohio, or Canton, Massachusetts, or Canton, Mississippi. (It is an easy mistake to make.) Eva honed her supervisory and management skills working in customer service, research, and publishing before heading to graduate school at the University of Michigan School of Information. She became a librarian in 1998. She was an intern and then the teen services librarian at the Plymouth (MI) District Library before moving to the Ann Arbor (MI) District Library, where she was Head of the Youth Department at the Downtown library, Head of Youth Services for the system, Head of Branch Services, and finally Associate Director for Public Services. Eva has held her dream job as the Director of the award-winning Canton Public Library since 2008. She received the Michigan Library Association's Frances H. Pletz Award for Excellence in Teen Services in 2003, and is a graduate of both Leadership Ann Arbor and Leadership Canton, where she learned that she is moderately Affiliative according to MAFF, her color is "Green" on the Four Color Personality Test, and her Myers-Briggs Type is INTJ (although she has worked diligently and consistently on improving her Sensing, so she now leans ISTJ). Follow @CantonLibrary and @EvaDavisCPL on Twitter. (Photo credit: Susan Kennedy)

2 responses to One Is the Loneliest Number

  1. 

    In my new position as the manager of a branch, I knew this was going to happen. Luckily, I have friends and family in the area. I’ve also been much more open to meeting new friends outside of work to fill the void. Thanks for your advice on this topic.

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  1. 3 Reasons Your Compliment Made My Day « Library Lost & Found - July 14, 2016

    […] are rare for me, and I assume for any manager. Being a library director is a singular, and often lonely, position, so there’s little opportunity for the kind of camaraderie and support that other […]

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